A MID-DAY MELTDOWN

Like all families mine is disfunctional. Today I was thinking about the charges and trouble I have gotten myself into as a result of being an addict. I have recently made some horrible decisions and now I am looking at a chunk of jail time . I dont do well in jail. No one really does, but I REALLY dont do well . I am one of those crybaby people who sleeps underneath the phone so I can call home right when I wake up and the phone is turned back on. I am terrified that I wont be able to go to rehab before I do the time. I will have to go through withdrawls in jail. I will go crazy. I will want to die.
I was sitting in my little space at my grandmas inside her home.Let me try to let you in on the situation with my mothers side of the family.My uncle Pat is 42 years old. He is married and also lives at my grandmas, along with his wife who he has been married to for 22 years. He has never attempted to move out. He is the epitomy of a Mamas Boy. He has no idea what the real world is like. He bitches that he has all these bills to pay, however the "bills" that he is bitching about is nothing but an internet bill ( internet is like his only freind, total computer geek) oh ya and he has a phone bill as well. The fucked up part is that he has his own number and his own land line but he has never even turned on the ringer. I guess it makes him feel better about no one ever calling him. He just says that people do call all the time but he just doesnt bother turning on the ringer. what a joke!!! We have never been close, or even really got along for that matter. Everyone in the family has told me that he doesnt like me because before I was born he was still the baby of the family. Its like he makes it a competition for my grandmas love. Today he told me that he hopes I rot in jail, and that Im nothing but a bastard child..That my Dad didnt even love me . Low blow... and all this came out of his mouth for some reason that I dont know . I was not even talking to him. He just came out of his room and decided to pop his mouth off and give his opinion. He is nothing but a fuckin asshole. He is not just mean to me. He is mean to his wife, his mom, and his freinds if he had any. Well fuckin a' . Now that I have vented a little I guess thats all I can do . My grandma just tells me to shut up, and dont cause problems when he does shit like this . No one sticks up for me. He just treats everyone like shit and gets away with it . I dont even feel comfortable in my space with him there. .... Why wont he just move away... Wishful thinking . He will never leave that house, he pays 200 dollars a month to live there. Thats it, no utilities nothing. That wouldnt pay for a fuckin outhouse . He has a rude awakening one of these days... I hope he is the one to rot in the end.