Well I have made it to see another day... I never thought about how this may be difficult to keep posting daily as I go along considering that I dont have a computer of my own. LOL. Ya if your thinkin that if I did I would have already clucked it off then you would be right. I woke up this morning and just felt like crying. I dont know exactly why, maybe its a lot of things. I have to go to court tomorrow. Not looking forward to it. To be completely honest I dont think that I am really looking forward to anything for that matter. Getting off beans is something I guess I should look towards. But really Im just scared of not being able to run to it when something goes wrong. I love when I get so fucked up that I cant even open my eyes, and all I can do is just sit there and think of nothing at all, feel nothing at all, say nothing at all. But that has lead me to be nothing at all. While alot of the people I went to school with will be graduating from a four year college this year, I will be graduating from a rehab. I could have been where they are, I could have done great things and be ready for a great job. Instead I just keep trying to find another waitressing job. Its not a glamorous career. There is no name plaque, or an office with a view. I cannot move up the corporate ladder. I will not be like this forever. Something has got to give. Well here I am another day, I made it to a computer and let my fingers do the talking. I feel like a hypocrite saying that I am getting clean when I look over and see a piece of foil and can feel the tooter in my pocket . But without some help and detox I know that I cannot do it on my own. I will do it when it comes time . I am quitting. Just not today. I hope someone will understand my struggle at whatever place they send me to. I am so sick of being misunderstood. I want someone to listen and give me an answer. Anyone?